I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
