Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
