wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we're chasing vodka with high fives
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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