Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
