Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
