her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
