Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
