the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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