He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
