I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
