Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
