I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize