You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
