You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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