I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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