I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
