Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
