kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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