i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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