the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize