dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
