i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
