shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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