god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
