i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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