Pants 0. Shit 1.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
