I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
