It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
