I skipped work to stalk him.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
