How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
