After last night, I could never be a politician.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
