i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
