she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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