My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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