she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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