Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize