I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
