This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
well you can't waste a boner
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
