The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
