the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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