You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am naked and annoyed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
