I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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