Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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