Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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