I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
