I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
