Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
