I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
