He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
