I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
