She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I want to make a zoo with you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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