Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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