Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
