You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
