life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
