just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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