don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
