Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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