I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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