I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
