Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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