she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
