she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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