just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
