the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
