Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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