just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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