i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
