i just sent this text using only my big toe
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
